He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
