um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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