Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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