and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
