dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
