what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
