During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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