At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
