butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
