I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
