Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
