I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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