Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize