I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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