I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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