Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
