so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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