Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
