I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
