Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
