I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
