one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
