he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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