screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
