After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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