I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
