he wants to bone in the snuggie
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
