well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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