I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
