I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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