They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The air was thick with penises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
