every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
