It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
