I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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