You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
