I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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