You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
