i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
