am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
