goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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