I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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