I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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