their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
