Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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