D3 body, D1 cock
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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