I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
