I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
