I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
