Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
