just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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