The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
