Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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