A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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