she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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