I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
