Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize