I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
