it wasn't lemon gatorade
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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