i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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