I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
