the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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