I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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