i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
