There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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