i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
