dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
