Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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