He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
