Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize