it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize