Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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