Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I enjoy the company of your penis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
