So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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