do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize