Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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