she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize