someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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