she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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