I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
