if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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