What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
