can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
