When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me i tasted like america
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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