Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
