Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
