both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
