Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
