and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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