Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize