Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize