im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize