I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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