I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
