if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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