we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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