I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
