My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
