I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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