you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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