I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
