are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
