Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
