He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize