It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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