You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
