im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
