How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
