People in love make me want to vomit
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
