The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize