i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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