Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
