I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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