I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
